More Arbitrary Numbers

I was talking to a friend how Brother Bean is getting married in less than a month at the tender age of 28 and how our Facebook feeds are starting to blow up with sickeningly saccharine engagement and wedding photos1.. This led to a discussions about what age we want to be married by, and the number that came up was 37.

Neither of us really thinks that we will get married any time in the near future, or even near 282. I (jokingly?) made a pact with a friend from college saying that if both of us are still single by 35 and have no prospects on the horizon, we’d just marry each other for the tax benefits that come from filing jointly, and the shared benefits in case one of us ends up with kickass insurances and the other one is getting shafted 3. I suppose that says a lot about my views on marriage: more practicality than anything else, though is this really my mindset talking or just my current seemingly perpetual singledom talking? Though, The Atlantic agrees with me in regards to the high cost of staying single, especially as a woman.

I suppose I’ve always been too practical for my own good, when it comes to my love life. I didn’t date around in college4. because I knew that I was still looking for my own mental footing to be able to accommodate all the drama that seemed to surround friends who dated. Dating in high school also didn’t happen probably because I was still a bit painfully shy and because I’m sure my parents would have murdered me in my sleep (Asian parents) then gone on to murder whomever I was dating at the time. I also don’t think I could’ve survived any sort of sex talk that could’ve provoked5. And I’m probably being too practical now! Currently on a dating and anything romantic dry spell because I’m more focused on finishing up pre-requisite classes, applying (and getting into) graduate programs, and working to really have time to think about the needs of another human being.

I suppose this means I’m in the perfect place to use Tinder now, right? I can use it to scratch an itch without any entanglements? Though the ROI on sex is probably better in some sort of relationship because it’s easier to have sex with 1 person multiple times than it is to have sex once with many different people. I just need to break my dry spell and get laid. That’s really the moral of this story, not my weird feelings about Brother Bean getting married and people from high school getting married. I should be sowing my wild oats in my mid-20s, right? Right? Right??

1. Especially from people we knew in high school, and the scary fact that some of said people from high school already have children who are out of diapers.
2. For the reader’s note, this is in 3 years for me
3. Ok, I might have to check his financial situation first so I don’t accidentally shoot myself in the foot. Also, does posting this online constitute as conspiracy to commit fraud? If green card marriages aren’t technically legal, are these sort of ones also no-nos in the eyes of the IRS?
4. Though considering my alma mater, I might have dodged a bullet there
5. though this would’ve been more of mortal embarrassment. Also, another contention for the readers to ponder: if you’re Asian, did your parents ever give you the sex talk? Or was it just swept under a rug as they hoped you’d learn from school or some other source that was not personal experience? Though I suppose China didn’t get to its own population levels now if parents really did have the sex talk with their children. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

Advertisements

Dating by Numbers

I want to talk about numbers in regards to dating. I’m not going to touch upon THE number, the one that tells the whole world how many people I’ve slept with because, quite frankly, that’s a very boring number that tends to provoke unnecessary judgement and/or congratulations1.

Instead, the first number I want to address is the average number of dates that I (and the unwitting friends I polled) are willing to go on before deciding to sleep with someone.

For me, it’s 3. The Bun actually shares this number with me. After a quick informal poll of friends, this number seems to be on the lower side. Now, I will say that I’ve never had a one night stand,2.but I am most definitely not going to wait after 5-6 dates. Generally with working out schedules, the first couple of dates, for me at least, are spaced a week apart. 5-6 dates meaning investing 2 months of my time before figuring out if we’d work out sex wise, and that’s just too long of a time to sink in.

Some may think that 3 dates is a bit short, but one month gives me enough time to figure out if 1) I actually like you as a human being, 2) do you bore me, and 3) do I want to share a wet spot3. with you? Oh, and a major thing for me is if the guy smells good. I know it sounds bizarre, but some people just smell funky to me and to no other person4..

After a quick informal poll of friends, this seems to be on the lower side for my female friends. For the girls I polled, the answers ranged from, “If I’m feeling it on the first date” to “at least 5-6 dates.”

For the boys, it ranges from “Hell, yea I’ll try to make a move on the first date” to “after 5-6” to “if we’re both feeling it” to “sometimes I’m so clueless that I just wait for the other person to make the first move.” One more data-minded friend broke it down directly: 155., 1, 1, 206..

Most people I asked were pretty hesitant to put out an exact number, or even a ballpark number. Instead, I tended to get quite a bit of explanation about why things are the way things are. I also wouldn’t want to sleep with someone if I’m not feeling it with that person, but generally I figure that out before dates 4, 5, and 6. Maybe I’m just too quick to judge, but I think I tend to have a pretty good judge of character7.

 

 

1. I’m a big fan of congratulating both my girl and guy friends on sex things.

2.Remember how I tend to obsess over axe-murderers? There’s a part of my brain that tells me that I might get axe-murdered by a one-night stand, even though I don’t own an axe. Also, meeting people is a really awkward affair for me most of the time, and I just don’t think I’m really that great at picking people up in bars or wherever people go to pick each other up.

3. This is one part of sex that movies and TV shows always forget about! It’s fun and games until the awkward moment of figuring out who gets the wet spot.

4. In college, I made out with a guy who seemed pretty great, but he also just smelled like a mix of cheese, old socks, and new paperback books. I like paperback book smell, but not when it’s combined with the other two. I asked another friend to smell him for me. Said friend went up to the guy, gave him a huge bear hug, took a very very audible inhalation, looked over at me, and declared, “Nope, smells normal!”

5. High school girlfriend.

6. Catholic enough to care, though apparently not anymore?

7. Not dating related, but I’ve met up with more than my fair share of people from the Internet in person, and I’m still around! My favorite first meet up involved getting picked up at a corner in Beijing (I’d only been there a few weeks tops) by someone from the Internet.